swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
