I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
