i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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