so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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