He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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