What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize