can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
