Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
