cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had sex on a roof
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dick very happy bro
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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