Please, let me fuck your mom
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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