Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
