Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
