roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
