you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
