on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
