Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize