So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
