We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
