This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
