Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
