Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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