It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
