The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
