Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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