Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You should frame my arrest warrant.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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