Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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