Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
