I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just gift wrapped bread.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
