I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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