It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
