Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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