I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
