I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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