yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
