I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
