just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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