put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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