guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
