I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
