dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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