Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
