I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
