I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
