so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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