Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
