nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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