Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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