I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
