at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
