I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
