Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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