so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize