omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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