I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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