she was so not down for the gang bang
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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