Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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