My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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