threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
