Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
