Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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