I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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