I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize