After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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