If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
