Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
