1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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