When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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