What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
