I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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