I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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