you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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